The age-old habit

The body-mind is trying to use the same instrument to try to understand and behold, wanting to control the unknown, awakening, the vastness, awareness. It's an immediate action happening, an age-old habit. In the beginning it's quite lost in this. It is trying to "be here now", trying to "be in the present", fantasizing what's it like to be "awakened", trying to recognize when there is awareness and when there is not. Trying to know when it knows the "unknowable".

The mind is in the search for the moment when it can declare when it has happened, the confirmation that it's enlightened. From now on there is only the enlightened life with the never-ending happiness, clarity, wisdom and the struggle and the suffering has come to an end. This play can go on some time, by old habit. The body-mind is using an instrument that is not going to work here, in this it's totally useless. It's nothing wrong with the instrument but...

The final moment when all questions will be solved and cleared is a fantasy, a hope, a bad illusion. When the futile exercise is recognized, when there is a noticing that this is really not going to work, then...

Maybe there is a opening for something new, something that has never been seen before, an invitation from existence, the life itself....maybe.

Roshi